as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
