I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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