Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
