yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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