and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
