i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
