I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
