People in love make me want to vomit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/