wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame