she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.