OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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