i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
be right there i have to get my cape
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
