If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
