If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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