running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
