shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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