DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
