dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
