hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
