Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
