Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
