What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
