Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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