i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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