Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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