I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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