it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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