Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
