Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
