you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
