You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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