I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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