brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
