i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
