My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
