You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
