Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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