eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
