there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
