It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
