Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.

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(206): View more from Washington

I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.

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(718): View more from New York

I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs

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(843): View more from South Carolina

It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain

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