I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We left the knife in your bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
