Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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