i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
