Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
