I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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