I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
