You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
