i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
