I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
