Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
