Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
