My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
false alarm, still single
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