There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
