to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's blow job season.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
