Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
