nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
