I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize