This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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