dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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