If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
