who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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