Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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