Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
