We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.