theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.