so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"