Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
