I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Watching her eat just hurts me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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