he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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