yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
