i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
