I'm going to jail i love you
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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