I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
