Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're like the curious george of whores
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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