You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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