the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you made out with another girl for some wings
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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