Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
