So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
