You made me cry and you don't even care
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
