dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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