Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
