woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
