I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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