My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
